Sunday, October 16, 2005

Goddamn Bear.

I just smoked 2 puffs off of a found cigarette. The shame.

I did manage to get ahold of myself before going further. I am going to pretend it didn'thappen, because I have made it 48 hours almost on half a smoke (early yesterday morning.)

I am doing pretty well, although my school routine tomorrow may make it a little rough.

Everyone who ever told me the secret of quitting smoking has said, "You just decide you're going to not smoke anymore."

There is a lot of truth to that, but I never believed I could do it before. I understand it better now.

It's not about making the decision not to smoke, it's about making about a hundred decisions a day not to smoke. Because I am not smoking (OK, like 99.99% not smoking) I think about having one almost every ten minutes. And more often. I woke up this morning thinking "I AM A NON-SMOKER." That helped a bit. Hot Tamales and banana chips help more. I can tell I've gained weight already. But I don't care. I need to beat this.

Tomorrow is going to hurt, I can tell already. I smoke in the car before and after school, plus between classes. I smoke while I study at school. (I think as the weather gets colder it may help. Can't smoke inside.) Must avoid the smoking areas. Must take many chewy treats. Must fight the bear.


Blogger Moveelvr said...

Keep it up!! It does get easier...I promise! For all the reasons you listed and so many more it is worth it.

Ring me up if you need support!

7:28 AM  

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